The Last Masterpiece

Don't get me wrong.  I don't have any illusions about the quality or skill level of my work.  I've always been aware, on some level or another, of my own skill deficits in the drawing process.  There are tools and media elements that I am completely incapable of using.  It's not any kind of special handicap.  It's just an insurmountable incompetance on my part.  I've come to the realization that, as a result, there is a point beyond which the quality of my work will never pass.  It's simply not going to get any better (at least not by any standard that means anything to me).

But, just the same, there is something I'd like to do before I throw in the proverbial towel.  I would like to crank out just one last "masterpiece".  Now, in light of what I just said, I understand that I don't have the ability to produce anything close to what someone outside my own head might consider a masterpiece.  When I got into drawing, much of what went into my drawing came more from my head than anywhere else (until recently).  Trying to get it out of my head met with withering, dismal failure.  So, I might as well keep it inside my head.  My satisfaction with my work is also something conceived and grown totally inside my head.  I know, that's pretty much the case with everyone.  But, as I've observed, many artists (I don't know how many, but I know there are enough of them to matter) derive their satisfaction with their work on how much it pleases the public, or whatever they have as a fan base or audience.  Mine takes no consideration for thoughts outside my own head.  My failure to relate through my artwork facilitated a totally inner-directed evaluation standard.  And, just for the sake of saying that I tried, I've attempted to reconcile that standard with the tastes of the public.  I had no serious expectations.  Experience took care of that.  I just did it so I could say I did.  I never admitted that to anyone before now.

Nevertheless, as I expect is typical among artists, I still felt the drive to draw.  I still felt motivated to create images.  I still feel that way now.  So, I continue to draw.  Sometimes more often, sometimes less.  But, I keep on drawing.  And, now, it seems, I've reached the point where I'm feeling it's time to call (most of this) quits.  I've reached a point in my life (age) where I no longer have the drive to pursue even the most minimal levels of success.  So, what I do in terms of art, if I do anything at all, will be totally recreational (unless prudence and conviction dictate otherwise).

The thing is, I kind of want to go out with the proverbial "bang".  I want to do at least one more piece, one more drawing that makes me happy to look at it.  Something that I have a really hard time trying to look away from.

Shared here are what are either my best, favorite, or some combination there of.  If life and circumstances allow, I want to produce something that speaks to the scope of my imagination over the years.  Something that speaks to what I thought was really cool from the time that I first started drawing to now.

I'm not so sure I'm going to be able to pull this off.  But, for the sake of my own amusement (or, perhaps for the sake of satisfaction with my own efforts), I would like to try and put out something I can consider a worthy period at the end of the sentence.

I don't expect that I'll succeed right away.  Trying to accomplish this may actually take multiple tries.  But, I'd like to give it a shot anyway.